Better is open rebuke
than hidden love.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend;
profuse are the kisses of an enemy.
One who is full loathes honey,
but to one who is hungry everything bitter is sweet.
Proverbs 27:5-7
Have you ever been jarred awake by the confrontation of a friend? It’s shocking, but if you receive it, it can be purifying.
For years as a teen I obsessed about boys. I didn’t date them, as a conservative homeschool girl, but I dreamed about them and longed to be liked by them. I filled my diaries with them.
I thought I was hiding these feelings, but I never guessed how others saw me, until a good friend told me one night. Some people thought I was a flirt.
Wait, what? Flirtatious girls were those ones who led guys on just for the attention. I legitimately cared about most of the guys I liked and just tried to be friendly. How could I be a flirt?
That confrontation sunk into my soul. I started paging through my journals and reading my heart on those pages and the Spirit convicted me deeply. Boys, boys, boys.
Hadn’t I said I wanted Jesus to be number one in my life? Then where was he?
Now going back to my journals, I see change from that night forward. I really started evaluating myself and seeking to know God more. Shortly after that I began journaling love letters to Jesus and discovering the delight of spiritual intimacy with him.
My desire for a relationship with a guy didn’t go away but my perspective shifted and I started wanting Christ more. I started living out some of those “Yes, Jesus,” choices I had made years before. I’m so thankful for my friend’s boldness to confront me in love.
Have you ever been challenged in a way you’ll never forget by the Spirit of God or by a friend?
Wow, this is raw. I saw myself in you at that tender age, but I wasn’t mature enough in my faith to see my misplaced obsession. I still have my diary. I pulled it out once years ago but it was too painful to read. Just thinking about those days brings back the heavy weight of my depression and loneliness. I did turn to God and found His comfort as I cried myself to sleep at night. But that memory I know isn’t found on the pages of my diary… only etched permanently in my heart.
Thank you for sharing, Christina. I don’t like rereading my diary from those years very much. A lot of immaturity and inconsistency. When I think about the trials teen girls go through, I’m so thankful for God’s tenderness in being near us.