When did you last wish for something that felt out of reach?
Maybe living a balanced life instead of being frazzled and rushed? About traveling the world? Maybe starting something – a business, a family, a church? About writing a book or singing on stage or or climbing a mountain?
Have you, like me, started living out some of your dreams and found them, well, lacking? I wanted to get married, work in the church full time, and write. I thought that would make life exciting and fulfilling. Truthfully, real life holds a lot more hardship than excitement and I’ve found that none of those things truly fulfill me the way I thought.
So sometimes that keeps me from dreaming other dreams. Because maybe the rubber will hit the road harder than I think about them, too.
Or maybe, your life took a different turn than you expected and what you wished for is just a memory. I have some of those dreams tucked away, too. Of traveling the world and teaching English and the Bible in different cultures and living life in places different from my home.
My husband worked two vocations for four years after college. By day he worked customer support for companies dealing with identity theft protection, pet medication and then cable TV. On evenings and weekends, he led the worship band at church and built a youth ministry from the ground up. I cleaned houses, wrote for non-profits, and raised babies. Those years taxed us like nothing I could have imagined. I remember keeping our toddler up till 9 at night just so he could see his daddy some days. And the day I screamed at Nate in the living room after miscommunicating about what day we could squeeze in a trip to the Christmas tree farm. And living in a 500 square foot apartment with literally no closets, and no place for our wild child to run.
On the verge of his launch into full-time church ministry, it hit me how vital those four years had been in our growth. I felt, fully, how good life was for us when God opened that door. I wrote in my journal, “But, life would not be so good if we hadn’t come through the refining fires in the past 4 years. I am grateful for where I am spiritually.” The hard times taught me gratitude and trust.
I was still hungry for more. I love setting goals and reaching them. That passage where Jesus says, “You don’t have enough faith. I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible”? That passage lights me up inside. “Let’s move some mountains! Woot!”
And that August, it occurred to me for the first time, that instead of my idea that stepping out in faith means taking giant leaps, it might actually not. I wondered if my mountain might be the little things piled up in everyday life. Choosing to write for 20 minutes a day instead of scroll Facebook. Praying for my church and family for a few minutes before going to bed. Going to my yoga class when I’d rather not. Spending more time, energy and creativity each day in order to make the most of my life. Trusting God to fill me where I couldn’t see myself being filled.
Jesus didn’t ask for giant faith. He asked for seeds. Seeds are tiny, but they produce a lot. One $0.99 packet of carrot seeds can grow bucket loads of earthy orange goodness.
When I think about my dreams, they can overwhelm me. It does seem impossible to get from here to there. Hard times make me feel like a victim. It’s easy to feel stuck. But if I start to break my dreams down, and think of my life as moments instead of mountains, I start to understand how seeds of faith can make a difference. One small choice at a time, I can start walking toward those dreams.
For our family, one faithful day after another led us through those challenging bi-vocational years. One more music practice after a 10-hour workday for Nate. One more night tackling my website through trial and error. One more dirty diaper. One more Sunday afternoon nap before heading back to church to lead youth group. One more game of cribbage listening to the end of a baseball game. We built our family and honed our values in those small moments.
Take a second before leaving this page. Grab an envelope, sticky note, whatever is closest to you and write down one dream. Then underneath that, write down the one small step you can take today to move toward it. When you get up off the couch and do that thing, you are taking a step of faith. Planting a seed. And it will someday move a mountain.